by : Stacey Steele
Love Bombing: Narcissist In Love Part II
There were sparks and then flames. And when they started to die down, someone brought out the gasoline and blew the whole thing up! Maybe that someone was you, and perhaps it was the person who hurt you. A fire needs to be fed, taken care of, and nurtured to keep going, just like a relationship. We can neglect the fire and watch it die, feed it, or let it burn the whole forest down.
Typically, at the beginning of a relationship, we are naturally putting our best foot forward and enjoying the glow of new love. Our emotions override our intellect from the high levels of dopamine and serotonin. In a normal and healthy functioning relationship, it is a natural stage to move from infatuation into healthy love.
When the relationship is toxic or abusive, this stage is a time when the narcissist/ abuser creates structures that override a person's instincts, better judgment, and a sense of safety. Many different tactics can be used for this. A common tactic is “love bombing,” a term used to describe the pervasive and persistent contact that a narcissist will use to create an emotional dependency on them. The narcissist may not do this deliberately or even consciously. It is just the way the narcissist learned to operate to have their own needs met at the expense of someone else.
Love bombing is essentially constant flattery, a fast-moving relationship, and an apparent obsession with all things you. Ever hear the term “swept off your feet”? The pacing in a healthy relationship supports your ability to pause, reflect, and proceed. In toxic relationships, this pace moves at lightning speed. If you are in a toxic relationship, you may be wondering, “how did I get into this mess?”; Chances are, you didn't have the chance to process or reflect, instead went with the flow (which happened to be more white-water rapids than a babbling brook).
"How do I know if I am being love-bombed?"
- The other person does not have opinions of their own or seems to agree with everything that you say.
- When you question the fast pace of the relationship, you are met with resistance in the form of even further love bombing. This includes empty phrases such as "you know we are meant to be why wait” or perhaps even punishment by getting the silent treatment.
- Before you know it, you are already Facebook official when you haven't even taken the time to get to know them.
- We all like to be acknowledged! However, love-bombing takes that even further with constant communication professing their love. It all happens in a short time frame and isolates you from your community of support.
- You may be spending time with this person at the expense of friends and family, or it may be interfering with your work
- In a healthy relationship, you have the chance to ‘pause, reflect and proceed.’ When you are love-bombed, the only step is to ‘proceed.’